I don’t know how exactly to speak with you at the moment. I don’t know if this means were on a break are we really trying to work it through or are you just happier that I can no longer force us to talk in person now that you can chose to answer or not answer my texts or phone calls. All I know is all of this does not point to our strengths. This doesn’t in ant way reflect the promises the reinforcement and the trust that was promised last Monday. I don’t see us skyping or talking or still being open with each other and that hurts that you could say that to my face but you cannot follow through after giving me your word. You said you would work with me and you would communicate. But I don’t feel this is communication. This is just pleading and choosing when is the right time. I didn’t think either of us could come to a conclusion that you moving away would be the better choice. What about when you promised me that you wouldn’t leave my side or hurt me like that, or this, again. How many times do I need to put my emotions on the line and look like the idiot who fell head over heals and cant get her self together. I don’t like being this person. I cant be this person because I believed in you so much more than youre giving me or us credit. I cant even type this out without crying thinking about all the promises and time we spent into working through whatever problem arose. And now its back to confusion hurt and betrayal like back from saint Louis. You said Monday that you didn’t care that you would have to drive from home, you would come home to go to sleep next to me and wake up next to me because you needed that just like I did. And now I can barely get a phone call out of you. You don’t know and you honestly don’t understand. And you cant say you do because I don’t either. I don’t understand how if you say is how you truly feel. You wouldn’t do this. You wouldn’t put the one you love through what you are. You would do your best not to hurt them. To make them feel like they were not alone because a relationship is also like a package deal. You belong to me and I belong to you but there is no support from your side. And that only makes me angry. When is my time to be mad at you without consequence. When is it that it is acceptable for me to yell at you and hang up on you without you getting angry. When is it that you would like to be treated the way you are treating me. Because if there really is such a time id like to understand how that is even acceptable to treating someone you respect. When do you hear me out when I have been fighting for you since the day I met you. You don’t see us in the way I see us. I see us because I believe in us. Not because I have that feeling you will stick around. Because in the mist of it all I really do see all of the small things and I do notice what it took to get us to be who we are today. Its because you’ve changed me because you believed in me and vise versa. And that kind of love shouldn’t be left to fight alone because it doesn’t allow the strengths to shine through. The kind of love I have for you is the kind that I can sit here and tell you I forgive you. I forgive you for breaking my heart, for hurting me beyond my own understandings, and forgive you when I let you see me weak enough to cry. It is a love that’s strong enough to confuse me, to throw me around and then in the end let me appreciate what beauty it really is. At the end of the day you are my other half. I don’t want to have to let that kind of a love go. But with the way you keep treating me I cannot see that kind of love growing and that’s what any love needs to survive. It needs constant caring and nurturing. Its reminding the other person what they mean to you and how they’ve changed you. Its saying I love you at the end of the day and meaning it. Not just to make the other person happy or to end a conversation. I forgive you, but I need the same feeling back to keep my love going and that’s not a selfish request. It’s a true respect and understanding for what love for one another truly is. Its keeping your word and wanting to. And not backing out when it gets a little rough. How else would people stay together in true love.
